It would be silly, to think that I had all the answers and tools to resolve all the world’s conflict in a blogpost, but hopefully I can share a personal story about how I resolved a conflict in my own life, so here it goes…

Back in college I rented a room in a large house that had many rooms, and even more people. Most semesters I had my own private room, but most of the house was a shared space used by all the residents. I think at one point there were 38 of us living in the house, so when I say shared, I really do mean it. Included in this shared space was of course the laundry room, with all of two washers and dryers. As you could imagine, during peak laundry days (which were the weekends in college) things got pretty hectic down there. There was an unwritten code that if you wanted to use the washer but someone’s clothes were still in there, you would put those clothes in the dryer for them. Luckily laundry costs were assessed in our rent, so it didn’t cost anything to dry someones clothes. One day my third semester living in the house, I came down to the laundry room expecting my clothes to either a) still be in the wash b) have been moved to the dryer or c) have made it all the way through the cycle, and be waiting for me in one of the garbage bags we kept in the room to place peoples clothes in if they weren’t there to take them out of the dryer

I don’t totally remember what made me so late to my laundry, but I honestly didn’t think much of it, as it was something that was common for people to do on laundry day. No body minded helping people switch out each others laundry since it was essentially free to do. Thats why when I came down to find my clothes wet and on the floor, I became upset, and wanted answers. Finding out nothing, I eventually brought it up at our next house meeting, and angrily accosted the new kids who had recently moved in, asking them if they were even civilized. After wards I was pretty embarrassed about how upset I got. I mean it wasn’t the end of the world. My clothes weren’t ruined, I just had to wash and dry them again. And it didn’t even cost me anything.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back and analyzing my emotions, I think I got upset because I felt like my personal property was being either disrespected or mistreated, when I had in the past treated others’ clothes the way I would have wanted mine to be treated. Cliche, I know, but its true. I think I also felt that the ‘unwritten code’ of laundry-doing in the house had also been disrespected.

Honestly If I could go back, I would have wanted to have come to this conclusion BEFORE the house meeting, where I over reacted. Then instead of getting upset, I could have taught the new tenants the ‘rules’ of laundry. I’m sure that message would have been much better received, and I doubt anything like that would happen again, because no one had left my laundry wet and cold maliciously. So remember people, if your are upset, think about WHY your upset, before you take any action. This is just one example of how I wish I would have done exactly that.